Numb

It's difficult when you're so tired, when you're so tired you struggle to sit straight, to put up the front the world wants to see from you.

This weariness

starts from within and then creeps out to your skin.

I'm not sure if it is my body or my mind

or my heart.

This dull feeling

a constant murmur

a constant annoying murmur

of my voice

and their voice.

His voice

hurts when you cannot feel the words

it hurts the most

when you cannot feel

at all

Strange dream

I had a really strange dream last night. Actually, it's been a while since I had a dream while sleeping.. maybe i'll understand this when i read about it in the future..

I dreamt that I was going somewhere, or leaving to somewhere to be exact. oh wait I just had a flashback while writing this, just remembered a dream I had sometime ago.. also about going somewhere..... on the train/subway/mrt)

Anyways, I had a luggage slightly larger than cabin size and a very heavy backpack filled with stuff. so heavy that it was difficult at times to stand straight without losing balance. I was wearing work clothes and Susan came to send me off (which is really strange in itself) so I reckon I was going somewhere for work reasons, but somewhere far and possibly for quite a while. I felt pretty excited and nervous at the same time. She was coming to the airport with me and we were going to catch the metro (madrid's to be exact) only that the metro station was huge like a big train station and it was really difficult to find the platform that I should be on. We got separated going up and down the platforms, through the people and the escalators... I looked at my watch and realised that we had wasted 1 hour!

Then out of nowhere my dad appears in his casual t-shirt and cap.. looking at his mobile phone like he always does when he tries to keep track of time. I'm surprised to see him and call out, “爸爸！ 啊..干脆一起来啦！”. So he helps me out with my luggage and he shows me the platform I should be taking...At the back of my mind I consider whether we should take a taxi (visualised as limousine in my head) instead. hahaha.. n then I wake up and realised I overslept for like an hour. Still got to the office on time though, which makes me wonder if I really need to wake up that early everyday..

Back to the flashback I said I had, I remember a dream where I was travelling by train/tube...except that the lines were arranged like singapore's mrt. Yellow and red lines..i had to stay on the yellow line for a long while and then hop off and get on to the other line (felt like it was a non-standard crossover) in order to get to my destination.. oh man im beginning to remember more of that dream. it feels kinda creepy man.. I now remember the mamak store below joanne's house.. then seeing YCK road at night, driving towards that junction to the market (seletar road), exploring Seletar Hills.. and entering a big white mansion.. hahaha..

i should go sleep now. i meant to get this out of my system but the more I write about it the creepier it feels.

Flo and the Machine

You've got the Love

Leeds

There, there, I still got my luck alright:)

Managed to get a seat on the train for my 4+hr journey even though it was overflowing with people. Had an extra day away from Bath = extra night of luxurious stay in the hotel with paid dinners. Always wanted to get room service, and it feels especially good when you don't have to pay for it. Feels even better when you do it twice. For some reason food taste like heaven when they come with that shiny round dish metal cover. Oh how I love to spoil myself.

I've been pushing for this training. The only one I really wanted and needed to do under my interests. Battled through my jetlag and studied in the hotel at night. I said "battled" because most of the nights I ended up taking a hot hot bubble bath and then it was difficult to concentrate after that. pure luxury. This is the last piece of my intercontinental ticket, and Im just about to put it all together.

Hello world:)

Hawaii

I love Hawaii

I love how it feels...

Thank you God for making this possible.

Thank you for answering my prayers and letting my medical scare be... just a scare.

Thank you for giving me a second chance to life.

I've kept the first part of my promise.

I'm gonna miss it here so much

I'm scared

Just when everything seemed to flow perfectly, I received quite worrisome news.

I went to the optician's to get a new pair of glasses and had an eye check up. they did a very thorough eye check.. so thorough that they're referring me to the specialist Ophthalmologist in the hospital so they can have an even more thorough look at my eyes..

Because I may have something that could lead to some implications.....

It's more as a precautionary measure because the optician couldn't be 100% sure my eyes were ok.

And this is making me very scared.

Very scared.

My day went fine hanging out with V, until I came home, sat down and checked medicinenet.com. Then I broke down in tears as I feared for the grim.. and again now as I write this.

I may be overreacting, but this time I am really scared.

Because I am such a visual person..

Because I haven't seen enough of the world...

Decision Time

I decided it is about time to move on

to another country.

Need a change, need some sun, need  some life

I'm thinking of moving to the US in the coming year or two at most, get a transfer to one of our American offices either in NY or LA...

Ahhh LA.. I've always wanted to go there...

Things won't be so easy but

Where there's a will

There's a way

:)